In this blog, St Mary’s student Brandon shares advice on how to find your group and make friends at university.
Figuring out how to make friends at uni can be tough sometimes. Even if you usually feel confident, being in a new environment with new people can make anyone anxious… but finding your people doesn’t have to be so scary or follow a fixed blueprint.
Before I started at St Mary’s, I was really anxious about making new friends. I was moving from rural Canterbury in Kent to London – a very different environment. It was also the first time I’d be independent, doing things for myself, like living in student accommodation and learning about the London transport system. Pairing that with being quite socially anxious in sixth form, I worried I’d be isolated at university.
However, the reality has been very different! Although I was worried, I was determined to move somewhere else and get out of my comfort zone. So when the time came to put myself out there, this is what I did. Here are my tips on how to find friends at university.
Finding friends by leaning into your interests
Although it can be intimidating, just following your interests it's a great place to start.
For me, my main interest going into first year was volleyball. I wanted to take part in sports to be more social, but also to indulge my competitive side, which had reignited during sixth form. During my first year, I ended up spending a lot of time with the volleyball team, going to the weekly socials hosted in the 1850 student bar, playing pool, and simply talking with my team mates.
I was nervous at first, though, because I wasn’t very good at volleyball. But everyone was there to play socially, so it was easy to engage. I could focus on playing and take time to learn the game. Since I’m a more introverted person, I was self-conscious, but a game-focused environment helped me a lot because I could interact through playing.
Volleyball allowed me to pace myself in my interactions so it felt manageable. Slowly but surely, as I became more comfortable with myself, it was easier to talk to people, even those that were very different from me.
I think are great for anyone looking to socialise and make friends. Even before you get to talking, you communicate through playing. It’s a lot of fun.
I feel like my time playing volleyball helped me build confidence in making friends and in talking to people, because it was such a different environment compared to what I was used to. Everyone was relaxed and welcoming.
Finding friends through your course
When it comes to making friends when you first arrive, I focused on talking to people in my classes, as it came up naturally.
I study Liberal Arts, and a lot of people on my course have interesting perspectives. Asking questions and engaging in class discussion helped me go on to talk to those same people more regularly.
Living in halls and making friends
I’ve talked to a lot of people in my accommodation in both my first and second year, and people have always been friendly. I've just focused on showing a genuine interest in others by asking them about themselves and listening. Showing you care makes people feel more comfortable.
How to make conversation with new people
I think making friends is all about breaking down that initial barrier to communication. It can feel intimidating, but simple questions like “what course do you do?” or “what year are you in?” are a good starting point.
From there, you can build into more open-ended questions like “why did you choose your course?” or “how was your first year?”. These help move beyond small talk and make conversations feel more relaxed and genuine. It can take a bit of trial and error, especially if you’re feeling anxious, but it’s all part of learning how to communicate and connect with new people.
You can also share a bit about yourself through the questions you ask. Adding your own thoughts or experiences makes things feel more natural and less like an interview. It helps the other person open up too and makes it easier to find common ground.
Mindset shift: It's okay to feel awkward
Not everyone is going to be a lifelong friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have positive interactions with them. And you never know – they might end up being someone you stay friends with long term.
Don’t be afraid to look or feel a bit silly. It happens to everyone.
There have definitely been times where I’ve tried to jump into a conversation and completely misjudged the moment, leading to an awkward silence. But even then, I still ended up becoming friends with some of those people. Everyone is generally welcoming and understanding, because we’re all in the same boat.
I’ve also met plenty of people whose names I couldn’t get right for the life of me – it happens more than you’d think. You’ll probably laugh about it later.
That trial and error is actually really important for building confidence. No one gets every interaction right, and once you realise that, it becomes much easier to take the risk and just start talking to people.
Making friends is different for everyone
The best piece of advice I got about making friends before I came to St Mary’s was to join To be honest, I hadn’t been to one until recently, but the format is pretty similar to sports clubs.
Overall, I’d say the main thing to bear in mind about making new friends is that it’s not always about the groups you join. You can meet people by simply putting yourself out there into environments where others are and there are opportunities to talk.
I met someone once because I studied in an open space and they started talking to me. I didn’t expect it, but it just happened. I've met others through group projects we worked on, and we just wanted to keep spending time together.
I went to a concert with a friend on my course, and that came about simply from talking about our taste in music. I also got to travel to Portugal with the volleyball team for a yearly volleyball event called Deep Dish.
I’ve had a great time with the people I’ve met at university. You don’t have to enjoy drinking, sports, or any of the more typical interests to get along with others. Most people are really understanding of different preferences, and often genuinely interested in them. For me, it’s always been engaging to learn more about people just by talking and getting to know them.
A final word of advice
If I had to sum up my experience into advice for someone starting university, I’d say trust yourself and how you feel. If you want to try something, go for it. If you enjoy something, check out the society for it.
If someone seems interesting, talk to them. Ask about their course – even if it feels like a generic question. It’s a simple way to start a conversation, and there’s no harm in just being yourself.
People do want to talk. It won’t click every time, but there will be moments where you meet people you really get along with – people who want to go to events and try new things with you. We’re lucky to have access to so much, from society events and theatre trips to karaoke at the 1850, as well as everything London has to offer.
There’s always something going on and always people looking to get involved, just like you. So trust your instincts, put yourself out there, and give new things a try.
Settling in and making friends at St Mary's
If you’re starting at St Mary’s soon and feeling unsure about making friends or settling in, we’re here to support you every step of the way. Our range of is designed to help you feel confident and comfortable as you transition into university life.
and are great ways to get to know the campus, meet future coursemates, and start building connections early. You can also explore and to discover the wide range of societies and activities available.
However you choose to get involved, you’ll find a welcoming community at St Mary’s ready to help you feel at home.